The towers fell

September brings many memories. All week television has brought us interviews with those left behind after 9/11 and video of that day. We all swear we will never forget what happened... we'll always remember what we were doing on that day. ...and we do remember ... but each year a little of the color fades from the pictures we hold in our memory... each year the pictures lose a little intensity and become softer or more gray... time passes, memories fade, but I'm not sure I agree that we heal...not completely... we are forever changed even if we have stopped pulling at the ugly scabs on our memories...

I know I've used a lot of mixed metaphors... but ... I think they're all true... September is a bad month for me... my father's birthday is the 6th... he passed in July 2001... my daughter passed at age 18 on September 10, 1990... and then we have 9/11/2001. I was already sad that morning... I was facing yet another year without my best friend, my daughter... I was getting ready for something... I can't even tell you if I was working at the time... but as I was dressing I had the tv on and saw the film of the first plane... I called to my honey and he came in and sat down with me... we watched... what unfolded was unbelievable... but it just kept getting worse... it was when the bodies began to fall... those of the people who chose to jump.... that was when one more piece of me died... inconceivable... for those who jumped and for those who were there and for those who were fighting to save every life they could. It was the first time I was glad my father had died... he didn't have to know about this...

One good thing came about this week... a woman on tv was talking about having lost her sister in the plane crash when the plane went down in PA... she kept reliving what must have happened in her sisters last moments... her counselor told her quietly that her sister only died once... pointing out that she was hurting herself far more than what her sister had to face... That is something that resonates and helps anyone who has experienced loss... It can, at least, if you let those words really reach you... it helped me this week...